Dealing with A**holes – Part 1 of 1 – “It’s Showtime, Folks!”

Dealing with A**holes – Part 1 of 1 – “It’s Showtime, Folks!”

There’s an unspoken rule in the universe that dictates “where there is life, there is a**holes!”. Some of us, through no fault of our own, seem to attract them more than others. You know who you are, and maybe there is something we can do about that tracker beam we have. But let’s leave that for a future conversation. If you find yourself dealing with one too many of these pesky specimens, then boy, have you come to the right place! Let’s dive into this mess headfirst and see if we can’t come out smelling like roses (or at least like someone who hasn’t been buried in BS).
Enter: The “Showtime Mindset”

Let me set the scene: You’re about to enter a conversation with the human equivalent of a mosquito. Buzzing, annoying, life sucking, and leaving little itches wherever they go. But fear not! Our good friend Roy Scheider from “All That Jazz” (1979) knows the drill. With a smooth-as-butter voice, he cues: “It’s showtime, folks!”
This Showtime Mindset is essentially your personal shield against the dark arts of idiocy. Originally crafted for office environments where Karen from accounting just won’t shut up about her new cat, it’s now applicable everywhere – be it dealing with your nosy neighbor, that grumpy cashier, or even that one relative who thinks their conspiracy theories deserve a TED Talk.

So, gents, without further ado, here’s your rapid-fire guide to being showtime ready:

• The Pep Talk: Whisper to yourself, “Alright, buddy, it’s showtime!” – like you’re about to score the winning touchdown or perform a stage dive (depending on your fantasy).

  1. Stand Tall, Stand Strong: Imagine you’re Jack Black from the School of Rock. Power stance, chest out. You’re the star of your own rock band, and no one’s gonna tell you otherwise!

  2. Breathe In, Breathe Out: Pretend you’re smelling a freshly baked pizza and then sighing in regret that you’re on a diet. Let that stress go, and be in full acceptance of your situation and decision.

  3. Smile and Wave, Boys: Put on that ‘I’m-mildly-amused-but-really-wishing-I-was-literally-any where-else’ face.

  4. Little Pep Talk II: Remind yourself: “I’ve dealt with *ssholes before, and I’ve come out triumphant. This one’s just another name on the list.”

Dive Right In: Imagine yourself as that badass sports player, ready for action. You’re prepared to dodge, weave, and most importantly, avoid any unnecessary confrontation.
Remember, fellas, this whole routine is as swift as swiping right on Tinder. It’s all about mindset. So the next time you’re about to face off with an individual from the “VIP @ssholes club,” tell yourself, “It’s showtime,” and knock their socks off. Or at the very least, keep yours on.

Stay tuned for Part Two, where we delve into the art of passive-aggressive humor. hint, sarcasm is your best weapon.

-Coach Darin

   Learn More: Part 2 of 3 -The Art of Smiling Through the Bullsh!t!