What Women Want, as told to my by women
Men like sound bites! Short quick explanations to help them now if they are hitting the mark or not. Women tend to ‘talk out loud’ as the work to explain complex emotions to their partners. In this article, each sentence is one, stand alone, piece of advise for their partners.
Men, if your partner has shared ANY of these sentences with you AND you have no idea what’s she’s talking about, please give me a call. You don’t have to do this alone. Think of me as a golf tutor, just here to touch up one aspect of your otherwise terrific game.
1. Help Me Feel Heard
I feel unheard when my feelings are ignored, which can lead to resentment.
Just listen; don’t fix. It makes me think you think I”m dumb.
When you ask me questions, show and express interest, I feel heard.
2. Give Me Open and Vulnerable Conversations
When we avoid deep conversations about personal or difficult topics, it prevents me from trusting you with my heart.
Engaging in open and honest conversations builds a stronger bond as well as trust.
I want YOU to initiate and engage in conversations about YOUR feelings.
3. Connect With Me Emotionally
Emotional distance is straining our relationship.
Sharing personal thoughts and showing empathy enhances OUR overall happiness.
I need to share my thoughts and experiences to strengthen our emotional connection.
Please share yours with me.
4. Make an Effort in Family Matters
I feel our family is neglected when there’s a lack of effort from your side, making me and the kids feel undervalued.
Your active involvement in family activities and decisions shows commitment and strengthens our family unity and identity.
I need you to be more involved in our family life and decisions.
5. More Physical Affection
A lack of physical affection makes me feel neglected.
Regular physical affection increases intimacy and shows love.
I want us to regularly give each other hugs, kisses, and touches, especially when greeting or parting.
Please no pinching, groping, or grabbing, this makes me move away from you.
(until it’s time to pinch, grope, and grab)
6. Talk Respectfully to Me
Disrespectful communication harms my self-esteem and our relationship.
Respectful communication creates a loving and understanding environment.
I need you to respectfully ask about my needs and avoid making jokes at my expense.
7. Decrease Your Anger
Your anger creates a tense and unhappy environment at home.
Managing anger leads to a more peaceful and happier home.
I need you to practice anger management and be more patient with me and the kids.
8. Make Me Feel Attractive
Not feeling attractive leads to my insecurity and unhappiness.
Complimenting my appearance and qualities boosts my self-esteem and our relationship satisfaction.
I need you to regularly tell me I’m attractive and appreciate my qualities.
9. Help Me Feel Valued
I feel insignificant when I’m neglected or feel less important than your job.
Prioritizing me and expressing appreciation makes me feel important and cherished.
In ways that are meaningful to ME, I want you to show and express your appreciation for me; that I’m a priority over work, golf, and football.
10. Show Me I’m Cherished
When I don’t feel cherished, it leads to emotional disconnection.
Planning special dates or surprises shows your commitment and makes me feel loved.
I need to feel cherished by you, through your actions and words.
11. Never Treat Others Better Than You Do Me
It makes you look fake.
Remember that feeling of being picked last during recess? Yeah, that!
If you want a jealous, angry wife, treat others better than me.
12. Show Me You Think About Me When We Are Not Together
I think about you and our relationship often throughout the day.
Speak kindly and affectionately to me and about me.
Just a few texts and kind words are all I need. Not asking for a sonnet, but it could make for a nice evening.
Note 1: If these needs aren’t met, I feel disconnected, unloved, and uncertain about our future. It deeply affects my happiness and our relationship. Meeting these needs is crucial for us to grow stronger and happier together.
Note 2: I cannot show you how to do these things. Please find a coach or therapist to show you how to do them, one at a time. I will give you thoughtful and kind feedback so you know when you’re getting it right and I will avoid criticizing you while you’re practicing on me.
Let’s talk! I can help you know exactly what to do to help your wife AND you connect with each other better.
-Coach Darin Finch, MBA, CRC